Seychelles Comedy – State House Anytime Now
Damage control 007 style and wooing back La Misere
This week the President celebrates another milestone. He is way past his retirement age and he is in two minds. He needs to go out in style but his obligations to his master the Sheik are more pressing. We are now the centre of world attention but he needs a well deserved rest as he sends in his trusted lieutenants for another round of damage control 007 style.
Lizzy: Hello Sunshine! Happy sixty sixth! The older you get, the sexier you look. I wanted to throw you a party but Bawi banished the idea as it would cause a marital chaos. But I’ve brought you this bunch of blood red roses as a sign of my undying adoration for all things Jj.
Mr. President: Ahhh! Older, wiser, sexier! That’s so nice of you my sweet pea. It’s great to be surrounded by so many adoring fans. But you are the most special one. Srdjana has reported that there has been an outpouring of birthday wishes on my Facebook page. In this age of technology one has to keep up with the modern times as my fans are from far and wide.
BAWI: Indeed Sir. You do not seem to have too many fans from La Misere. We now need to follow in the footsteps of Ramadoss. He already has a website devoted to him and his Narcissus ego. It beats our State House site by far. Lizzy go check out www.drramadossseychelles.com. The man of many milestones is making his bid to unseat you Bwana. He is the man with a vision to change impossibilities into reality.
Mr. President: Ohh this gives me the runs man! I need a quickie in the little boy’s room so set the agenda for this birthday week and I’ll be back in a flash. (The President heads to the bathroom to get rid of this malaise and freshen up).
BAWI: So Lizzy what do you make of those latest blundering developments? It seems like we are propping up a liability. The general feeling is that he is a spent force. We are losing support by the day. He is now a one man party with a Jj spirit following. SPPF partisans have deserted us and Lepep is nowhere to be found.
Lizzy: Well Bawi, he has always been one man to me. He will always be mine no matter what. We are both bound together by the spirit.
The President is back in the briefing room with JoMo who has some latest waffle on the pressing issues that threaten to take down this presidency as he burst in a ‘Happy Birthday’ greetings sing along.
BAWI: A warm welcome to the abode Mr. Hot Potato JoMo - the man of many portfolios. Your latest performance in the La Misere saga is commendable. You have contained the anger with some shrewd moves. The best birthday present for the boss. You are a master of deceit and you can act tough despite your size.
JoMo: There are too many lives at stake Bawi. I need to ensure that peace and order is maintained at all times. I called the bluff of those protesters and turned the tables on them. We will now have no more disturbances. Ascon defecated on my doorstep as environment minister and I will now give them a good dose of my home affairs battalion.
Mr. President: I note that you got the 4x4 commissioner to issue the final warning. We have managed to placate all the wailing residents with the twelve thousand rupees, the makeshift clinic and now I have personally ordered ‘experts’ to come to their rescue. We had to wait for six months to ensure that the incubation period of the viruses is respected.
BAWI: I must admit that you have taken a lot of flak these past weeks JoMo. I gather that you drank a bottle of the shit water out of solidarity. I admire your tenacity when it comes to the final solution. I gather that you advocated planting a bomb at Maison du Peuple when you were on a mission in the SNP steering committee.
JoMo: Indeed Bawi. It is always best to go to the root of the problem. I am still convinced that we should blow up any elements that are hindering our progress. We cannot prosper if we have obstacles in our path. This presidency can do without the shackles of ‘Per Fondater’. We want to be what we want to be!
Mr. President: He is really the man of action and ruthless executioner. He took some decisive action while on Praslin to get rid of the makeshift pier that the big Green supporter erected. That’s why I gave him the added responsibilities of home affairs. He can clean house and is our extortionist par excellence.
JoMo: Sir, I have been brought up in the loyal guard dog mode and will defend my master till death do us part. No mission is dirty enough for my aptitude. We are the authority in the land and we intend to flex our muscles. We are the only ones allowed to do what we want with no planning permission or tender.
BAWI: I am amazed at your tenacity and ability to juggle all these hot potatoes with such dexterity. Your brain power is far superior to the whole cabinet put together. Sir, this man of many talents needs to be elevated to the post of designated minister.
Mr. President: He does not need any of these fabricated titles. I have already delegated him to handle the mammoth tasks. He is cleaning up house at IDC and keeping Glenny in check. We have now brokered a deal for our people to spend holidays on Silhouette and Remire.
JoMo: We can resort to radical methods if we have to. No one messes with this regime and I will see to it that we have no more disturbances before the next elections. The boys at Regar will squirm and I will not let them off the hook. This is a serious case of high treason and it cannot go unpunished.
Mr. President: You have to tread carefully my boy. They might open a lawsuit to get you to cough up the $4.5 million that you gifted to the Arabs who disappeared in a mirage in the Dubai desert. But your bullying tactics will surely overpower them. You’ve got them in a bind and we need to go for the kill.
BAWI: We cannot afford to lose anymore support Bwana. JoMo’s standoff with the protesters has not resolved much. It is now checkmate until they take to the streets again.
JoMo: You do not have to butt into my tactics Bawi. No more sympathy for the devil. Enough empathy, we will not drown in this delokaka. The whole nation is now on our side and cannot tolerate those ‘fouter dezord’ asking for millions anymore.
BAWI: Indeed JoMo. We can count our lucky stars to have you to wiggle us out of this mess. The movie took six months to produce and what a blockbuster it turned out to be. Bollywood would pay a fortune for the script you know. In fact, I will call on Ramadoss (who is an excellent role model in pursuing community conscious and citizen excellence-driven business models) to get his film company to promote and distribute this epic.
JoMo: The name is Bond! James Bond! On his majesty Sheik Khalifa’s secret service. With the collaboration of Lizzy as Pussy Galore, Bawi as Q, JP as Auric Goldfinger and your good self Sir as General Gogol.
BAWI: Sir, we have to end on a positive note with a personal message from your No. 1 fan Gus – “Happy Birthday dearest godfather n may u be blessed wit all the strength, determination, good health that u always need blah blah blah”! Man this guy can be an endless chatterbox...
Mr. President: Thank you, thank you! Great to see that I am still held in high esteem! And who said I should retire? All I need is a good break so I am out of here for the next two weeks (mentally at least!).
The latest twist and turn seems to have brought the desired results. The mobilization to contain the shrapnel from the exploding device on shitwater road has worked to perfection. The to and fro resulted in a makeshift compromise of cash, expert checkups and a provisional clinic - enough to placate the victims and tolerate the completion of our new deity’s palace. Allahu Akbar!
Source: STAR 8-19-10